What People Don't See About Me

What People Don't See About Me

For the misunderstood, the pioneer, the "spirit led," the leader:

Everybody thinks I'm fine. They think I'm great. I make them laugh. I swoon over life. I'm the one everyone wants to be around.

Everybody thinks I'm strong. They think "He's got it." I inspire them. I'm the one who never gives up. I'm the one who fights, and keeps fighting.

Everybody thinks I'm indestructible. They think so, and then wait for me to fail. I'm the one running off the cliff. I'm flying, with no wings. 

And there I am; the one nobody sees, clinging to your flickering in the dark--hope of hope, dancing from shadow to shadow like a nocturnal butterfly. I am the one praying this all works out, trembling over my children while they sleep. I am the one praying my worry away on long walks up into the English hills.  

I am the one, weak and wanting, waiting for a word from the Word--I cannot bear when the silence comes.

And it does.

And so, the impatient one, must wait and walk, walk and wait. For the unseen pulls me on, and into silence I walk, into silence I wait. I find, there in the silence, the unnerving presence of a giant, a spirit, the Phantom. 

In my flesh I push on the Phantom, wrestling him to the ground, yelling, crying, accusing and demanding. I push on him. He does not give, but he takes it. 

"Why do you not answer," I growl as we tumble down the countryside. "Do you not care?" 

And then he pins me, and stares at me, and dives into me and, with new eyes, I see as through his eyes, I hear with his ears, and roll over in the hillside mud, embarrassed of my doubt, shamed for my impatience, abashed for my lack of listening. 

Then, he comes out me, offers his hand, and pulls me out of the mud. 

"Gather yourself, Tim. The world is coming. And you must be strong ... in me." 


 

Get beneath the surface and into the real. The Real God calls us to. The Real God made you to be. 

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Tim's authored four books, including the children's book Shine So Bright and the critically acclaimed Veneer: Living Deeply in a Surface Society. He studied beauty in the works of C.S. Lewis for his PhD under Alister McGrath. When he's not scratching poetry, or chasing the scholar's craft, you can find him carving up the trails of the nearest national forest on his Salsa El Mariachi 29er.

He lives in Charlotte, North Carolina with his wife and three pixie-daughters, and two acres of Great Horned Owls.